10 Practical Ways to Process Grief During the Holiday Season

The holiday season can feel overwhelming when you’re grieving the loss of a baby. While others are celebrating, you might be struggling just to make it through each day. 

These practical tips are ones I’ve actually used to process my own grief after losing my son. They can help you navigate this challenging season while honoring both your grief and your faith.

1. Give Yourself Permission to Grieve

Grief doesn’t take a holiday break, and you shouldn’t expect it to. Some days you might feel able to participate in festivities, while other days might find you struggling to get out of bed. Both responses are completely normal. Just as the psalmist expressed both deep sorrow and enduring hope, you can be both grieving and faithful. Your tears are sacred to God, and He understands every emotion you’re experiencing. You should never be expected to just “get over it” but should instead take all the time you need to move through and with your grief.

2. Create Your Safe Space

Identify the people who truly understand or at least try to understand your loss. Like Hannah, who found comfort pouring out her heart at the temple, you need safe spaces and people who will sit with you in your grief without trying to fix it. This might be family members, close friends, a grief support group, or your church community. Don’t be afraid to lean on these people during the holiday season (or any other time). This can be tough for many who have families who don’t understand or friends who live far away. However, there are support groups online full of women who have gone through similar experiences.

3. Honor Your Baby’s Memory

Finding ways to remember and honor your baby during the holidays can provide comfort and meaning. Consider lighting a special candle during family gatherings or hanging a memorial ornament on your tree. Some families create a charitable tradition in their baby’s honor, while others might write letters or plant winter flowers. Choose whatever feels right for your heart and family. We get a new ornament for our son every year, and we also put up his Christmas stocking every year. These are just a few small things you can do to keep their memory alive.

4. Accept and Ask for Help

The early church modeled beautiful community support, sharing resources and helping each other through difficult times. Follow their example by accepting help when it’s offered. Let friends bring meals, help with holiday shopping, or assist with decorating. Most importantly, give yourself permission to skip certain traditions if they feel too overwhelming this year.

5. Draw Near to God

Even in your deepest pain, God can handle your raw emotions. David wrote psalms filled with both anger and praise, showing us that we can be honest with God about our struggles while still holding onto hope. You might feel angry with God right now (I know I did), and that’s okay. He’s big enough to handle your anger and faithful enough to hold your heart through this season. Just talk to him!

6. Practice Intentional Self-Care

Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish – it’s necessary. This means:

Rest when your body or mind needs it. Grief is exhausting, and the holiday season can drain your energy quickly. Listen to your body when it tells you to slow down.

Set clear boundaries about holiday events and gatherings. You don’t have to attend every party or family gathering. Choose what feels manageable for you.

Make time for quiet reflection and prayer. Even a few minutes alone with God can help center your heart during difficult moments.

7. Care for Your Physical Health

While grief affects us emotionally and spiritually, it also impacts us physically. Take short walks when you can – the fresh air and gentle movement can help clear your mind. If you love to exercise, don’t skimp on that habit. Stay hydrated, try to eat nourishing foods, and get rest when possible.

8. Stay Connected to Scripture

Even if you haven’t been a regular Bible reader before, God’s Word can provide comfort during this season. Start small – perhaps with the book of Job or the Psalms, which are filled with honest expressions of both grief and hope. There have been many times where I’ve opened my Bible, not knowing what I was looking for but being pleasantly surprised to read exactly what I needed at that moment.

9. Join a Support Community

Consider connecting with others who understand this unique pain. Whether through an in-person support group or an online community, sharing with others who have experienced pregnancy loss can help you feel less alone during the holidays. If you haven’t already, make sure to check out this free support group.

10. Hold Space for Hope

While this holiday season might feel unbearable, remember that grief and hope can coexist. Just as Mary carried both profound joy and deep uncertainty that first Christmas, you can hold both your grief and your faith in your heart.

Remember, there’s no right or wrong way to navigate grief during the holidays. What works for someone else might not work for you, and what helps one day might not help the next. Be gentle with yourself, lean on your support system, and trust that God is with you in every moment of this season.

Your grief matters. Your baby matters. And you are not alone in this journey.